Umm I'm too high to move.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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