my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
