You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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