In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize