Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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