We're facebook friends in real life
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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