No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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