mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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