I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just forgot I was standing up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
