dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
