I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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