in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
