Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
