So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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