I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
