So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
