Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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