I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
