I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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