so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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