Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
