I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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