I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
