im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
