we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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