ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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