when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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