Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
