that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i think i just lost a toe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
