How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
