You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
