I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
