Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
