did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize