I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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