our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
