the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
