Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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