First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
