in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
