just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
worst night to have a conscience
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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