Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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