Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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