I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
