what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
