Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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