whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
