So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My pussy is not your playground.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
