Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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