I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What a dumb baby whore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
