I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
