Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
