Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
