He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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