Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
