you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
