well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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