Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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