If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
