Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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