I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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