He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My pussy is not your playground.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize