So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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