i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
