Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
