So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
