Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
