I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
