Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
