Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
