Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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