she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You can't just leave with hair like that
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
