I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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