Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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