Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
