i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
