why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
