eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
