He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
