But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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